Dr. Victoria Zdrok
6. Consume woman-friendly erotica together
Contrary to what many men believe, women do like such stimuli, but their tastes in erotica are somewhat different. Many women prefer aural to visual erotica. Try reading a sexy short story together, such as Amazons: Sexy Tales of Strong Women by S. Vivant and M. Christian, Eds. Penthouse Letters magazine provides many examples of the kind of erotica that women love. Pick one where the "action" suits your desires too, and read it to her. Or listen to "Sensual Stories for Lovers"
When it comes to visual erotica, women prefer materials that have a plot or storyline, and that emphasize passion and connection between the protagonists. That means leaving your favorite anal orgy DVD for your private autoerotic sessions. Instead, watch a hot R-rated film, such as 91/2 Weeks, or purchase an X-rated video with a storyline by Candida Royalle. They have the right mix of plot and love-making to turn on some real feminine heat.
7. Explore her fantasies
Ask her to tell you her fantasies or to email them to you. Encourage her to describe them in detail, like the stories in "Penthouse Letters." The intimacy that such a confession produces will be sexually arousing for her. But be prepared for the unexpected. If she discloses that the thought of being with another woman (or Brad Pitt) turns her on, don't get flustered or insecure.
Instead, exploit it to your advantage. While you are kissing and caressing her, spin a storyline that matches her fantasy. Whisper it in her ear and let her chime in with her own details -- which you can use to direct your lips and hands. If her mind equates your touch with her deepest fantasies, she will start getting wet at your first caress.
8. Encourage her sexual mindfulness
Many women do not get aroused because their mind drifts off instead of focusing on the eroticism of the moment. To direct her thoughts away from that shopping list and to keep her "mindful," bring her in front of the mirror and tell her to watch what you are going to do to her. Verbally describing each act of foreplay before you do it is also a way of keeping her mind on the heat of the moment. Start by kissing her neck and shoulders as you rub your hands on her clothed body.
Then, slowly remove her panties but leave the rest of her clothes on. Lift her blouse or dress and gently touch her nipples as you rub her bottom. Sit her on a chair in front of the mirror and order her to touch her vulva. You can even ask her to rub some genital warming oil like Zestra on her vaginal lips while you watch. Direct her hands as you ask her to perform a self-arousal. Or get her to describe her sensations with each move you make. Soon, she will be begging you to make love to her!
9. Try role playing
Pretend you are a Penthouse photographer and invite her to pose for you, or a pizza delivery guy who has a secret crush on her, or a policemen arresting her as she is about to get out of her car (that is, unless you are one -- then you probably have to pretend you are someone else!). This is another variant of exploring her fantasies (and yours).
One great way to indulge in what is likely a mutual fantasy is to ask her to play a stripper or a call girl with you as her patron. If she enjoys performing for you, you can even make your own adult video and replay it together in the future (for a step-by-step instruction, get Petra Joy's Make your own adult video manual). You would be surprised at how many women fantasize about being in such erotic roles -- only social strictures prevent them from admitting it.
In our society, which silently endorses and promotes the "virgin/whore" dichotomy, giving her permission to act out her "whorish" fantasies or ordering her to "be bad" might just bring out that slut that you have been yearning to have in your bedroom.
10. Try mild bondage and/or discipline
Many women secretly yearn to sexually surrender to a powerful male, one who will take control and will absolve them from the responsibility of achieving an orgasm. Why do you think "bodice-ripping" romance novels are so popular among women? For these women, the thought giving up responsibility for their sexual satisfaction is a powerful turn-on.
Prepare her by telling her what you will do to her tonight (you can leave her a note or a voice message or send her an e-mail). Demand that she prepare for it by wearing your favorite "slave" outfit and making herself beautiful. When the time comes, order her to get down on her knees and submit to her "master."
Tie her gently with a soft bondage item, such as the silk bondage sash from WildInSecret.com, which can also be used to lightly tease her nipples. You can then proceed to tease her with a feather or a tickler (a good girl/bad girl whipper/tickler from BootyParlor.com would do the trick) or give her a light spanking with your hand. Sex toys can also be used here.
Remember: The object of the dominant/submissive game is not humiliation or pain; it is to bring her to climax, and possibly more than once!
beware of the time of month
However, when using any of these techniques, it is important to be mindful of her hormones. As her hormones fluctuate throughout her menstrual cycle, so does her sexual desire. Generally, a woman is horniest right before and during her ovulation, which is usually in the middle of her menstrual cycle (days 12 to 15 of the average 28-day cycle). This is the time to schedule a hot date or plan a romantic getaway.
A majority of women are not in the mood for sex right before their period, especially if they suffer from PMS, but some women feel a surge in their desire during their menstruation. Unfortunately, many hormonally based birth control methods reduce female desire (such as DepoProvera injections, which may cause vaginal dryness and discomfort). prepare and have fun with sex
If your woman does not respond to the above, she may have hormonal deficiencies, a history of trauma or abuse, or other physical, psychological or relational issues. She may benefit from seeing a psychologist or sex therapist. Or, sadly, it may mean you need a new sexual partner!